How do you handle disturbing facts?

What happens when you are told by a recent acquaintance that someone who you have trusted implicitly for over 20 years has not been upfront with you and has made a lot of money off you or cheated you and you were not aware of it.

I have been watching this play out in real life for the last few weeks in two different situations and really fascinated with the way the mind and ego operate.

First, you don’t want to believe it because if what the acquaintance said is true, then you overwhelm yourself with a host of emotions and doubts.

Shock and disbelief!!!
Am I so stupid?
How did I let this happen for so long?
This can’t be true, this new person is just trying to win my trust by smearing my trusted friend.
Anger and disillusionment.
And many more …

Next, you set out on a mission to blame someone else. Here’s the catch – if you can identify a scapegoat, then you are off the hook and can divert your anger at this other person or group or entity.

Our coping skills have been developed to protect our Egos from deep emotional pain. The Ego cannot handle being crushed. Our coping skills are customized circuit breakers for each of our Egos.

The more aware we become of our Ego and that we are not our Egos, the less we tend to con ourselves and start seeing the world and life for what it is. While your Ego cannot handle the pain, YOU can. It was just another situation that life presented to raise your level of awareness.

Up Next: What do we do with Time? Do we really understand it?

Discussion

Rebecca September 29, 2010

I had an encounter which felt so traumatizing to my ego that it hijacked my mind for about two years. I met somebody who I could not figure out. Looking back, I spent most of the relationship in my head, attempting to make sense of what was happening in my life. In the end, this person wreaked havoc on my discipline and focus. When it ended, people close to me told me they could see it all along. This sparked resentment towards my family for not interfering, and towards other people who knew facts throughout and did not tell me. I searched like mad to find a scapegoat.

The truth is, my body knew to get out of the situation. My instincts were so that I could feel the molecules in my body revolting. They were stifled by a little voice that told me, “You can figure this out. Give it more time. This can’t be what it looks like. You can figure this out. It’s what you do.” The other person could read this in me and used it to his benefit.

In hindsight, my ego was my downfall, and the fallout was a source of embarrassment to me. Since then, I have resisted the urge to delve into personal situations with people that involve too many layers. It feels the same to me as folding my hand in poker: it stings for a minute, and then it’s over.

Reply
1. Krishna Pendyala September 29, 2010
  
  That’s such a great capture of a real-life experience. Thank you so much for sharing the intricate complexities of our our mind can trick us.
  
  Reply